I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Holy shit dude........stairs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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