I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
