He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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