ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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