The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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