Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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