dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dignity is for republicans.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
