I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
