It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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