She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
