I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
