it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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