There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
