I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
