great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
