Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
