I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
