you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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