im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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