shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
