is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
