fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
