Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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