i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
