some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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