last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
