I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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