Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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