The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
