Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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