hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
