You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
