How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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