alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
