I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
