What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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