Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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