We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
