Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
