The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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