Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
