i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
