Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize