Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
