That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
