just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
