I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
