The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
