I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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