Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
