I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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