If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
