p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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