god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
