I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
did i just pee glitter
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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