Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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