she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
