Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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