I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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