Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
