People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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