i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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