I want to make a zoo with you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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