ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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