these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
