Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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