Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
