Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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