Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
These tits shall not be calmed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
