I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
