I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
