TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
there is glitter all over my balls
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