just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
