I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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