i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
