i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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