Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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