im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
